Emotional Resilience

Copywrite: Francesca Arnold, 2010

In the past I have been guilty of perhaps underplaying the value of emotional resilience. Following the research in the Foresight report, 'Mental Capital and Wellbeing', we can picture our minds as being like bank accounts in the following sense...
Living in ways which enhance our wellbeing means that we are banking mental health assets; assets which, when the set-backs life deals hit us, can be called upon and 'spent'. In other words, in hard times mental capital allows us to cope, and in better times it allows us to flourish.

I am mindful of this because of a simple everyday incident which I experienced earlier today. I was in a supermarket, buying some milk. There was an unattended push-chair in the aisle. I calculated that I would just about be able to get through the gap, so I sidled my way past. As I went I inadvertently nudged the pram with my bag. In response, the mother of the baby in the pram began to shout at me. 

A few years ago I would have been devastated by this incident. It would have rolled around, being replayed in a hideous squirming loop in my head for ages after. However, having been using the Five Ways and 'banking' that mental capital I was emotionally resilient enough to deal with this incident calmly. 

Instead of panicking I walked back towards the irate parent and apologised thus:

"I'm so sorry. You see, I sometimes forget how fat I've become and I simply miscalculated the space available to me. Is your baby okay?" 

Imagining myself into her place, I can quite understand her anger at some seemingly indifferent lunk-head barging his way past her baby. Fair enough. I'm glad to say that the baby was fine, and the mother was placated. Indeed, we even shared a smile at that point. And, of course, there are so many other alternative futures which might have been played out if I had chosen, say, to give her verbals back. In this instance we both walked away with our brain chemistry restored and even - dare I say! - enhanced. 

These daily interactions are the stuff of which our lives and societies are made from. Our choices in how we conduct ourselves are important. When it comes to nurturing wellbeing my advice is, act locally. Sometimes it doesn't take a lot to change things for the better.

Thanks for taking the time to visit me here. 

Colin

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I felt well being a Human Library Book

Today I had the opportunity to be a 'book' for the Human Library . A Human Library is, "a mobile library set up as a space for dialogue and interaction. Visitors to the Human Library are given the opportunity to speak informally with “people on loan”; this latter group being extremely varied in age, sex and cultural background" [see Human Library.org].


On this occasion, I was talking about my journey from long term illness back to paid employment; and from the 'white knuckle ride' I experienced initially, returning to work with a memory impairment, to my present circumstances, where I feel much more comfortable, both, in my job and in my skin. 


I was 'loaned' three times and had conversations with folk who otherwise would have remained perfect strangers. My 'Readers' couldn't have known this, but prior to the session I was experiencing one of my periodic 'lows'; a 'condition' which sometimes creeps up on me, riddling me with self-doubt. 


However, I can tell you, this experience was transformative for me. Only three conversation later and I was flourishing. In the language of the 5 Ways to Wellbeing, I was using three of the 5 wellbeing 'ways' - namely, give, keep learning and connect. 


The Human Library isn't only a wonderfully 'organic' way to challenge prejudice and stereotypes, it is also a very powerful wellbeing 'tool' - powerful, in a good way, for everyone who takes part (and I speak advisedly, having been a borrower in previous events). There is a lot of power in creating a conversation; in making contact and communicating your story, and sharing time with others. 


If you are interested in being involved in a Human Library event, contact 
Oz Osbourne or Nick Little.


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Smiling Despite Your Self

When my youngest daughter was a little pin-dot she would sometimes get an attack of the glums; an attack so powerfully projected and pervasive that it would bring the whole household 
d
  o
        w
            n....


One of the wellbeing ways I used to lift her - and us! - was to create poems and songs which would make her smile despite herself. Here's one such creation from that time:

Take care my bunny
Please mind that lip
It's pouting so far now
You might go and trip

Beware the Gloomy
The Gloomy is glum
And so are the rest of us
When the Gloomy is done

Dark are the shadows
Where Gloomy has been
Beware the Gloomy
This Gloomy is mean

Sad little Gloomy
Covered in gloom
Moaning and groaning
Alone in her room

Come on out Gloomy
into the sun
There's fun to be had
This day's just
Begun!

Shamelessly derivative, inspired as it was by the poetry of Colin McNaughton. Nevertheless, it really did work, and I remain very fond of this poem. Growing up shouldn't mean that we can't be playful. Of course, wellbeing isn't about being relentlessly happy twenty four seven (heaven forbid). We experience a range of moods, and our highs are defined in relation to our lows. However, it is about being aware of ways through which we can increase our emotional resilience, and improve our general sense of wellbeing. 

Beware the gloomy!


Colin Howey <*((((><(

Valuing Each Other

I have been working with a group of unemployed people who have just completed an eight week Adult Education employability skills course called 'Your Aim Your Gain'. In a conversation, the tutor and I agreed that the group had bonded really well, and that it seemed such a shame that - due to the realities of funding - the course would be coming to an end. We decided, therefore, to encourage the students to form their own informal network and stay in touch. I am really pleased that this suggestion was met with enthusiasm, and that they intend to meet in the city centre on Thursday mornings.


Connecting is absolutely vital for people who are unemployed. Not only is the experience often so isolating and disempowering, it is also that work is a vital source of identity and status for people. The group have been working to develop skills to identify skills and aptitude in their peers, and I am hopeful that this process will continue between them. I certainly know that most jobs I've got have been as a result of someone else seeing that I'd be good at it, whereas I'd only see potential barriers. The ability of people to value each other, and give others status is really important.


I have also talked about the Five Ways to Wellbeing with this group, and they were all very interested. I think that if you give folk a practical and understandable set of principles (a 'toolkit') then they may be able to develop the personal resources to develop emotional resilience, even during these hard times.


Colin Howey <*((((><(

Ready to go again...

Well, it has been a while since I last posted anything here. I have been ill recently and needed to take some time out. However, I am feeling better now and I'm ready to continue working to promote wellbeing.

During my recuperation I travelled with a good friend of mine and spent some time exploring some of Norfolk's wonderful medieval churches. I found that taking the time to spend quality time like this was really restorative. You might be interested to read the following piece I wrote about an incident with a Wren trapped in a church...
Birds with Broken Wings

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Winter Wildlife Wellbeing Wander

Just before Christmas I organised a 'Winter Wildlife Wellbeing Wander' on Mousehold Heath. This was aimed at individuals who might be easily labeled by negatives; former offenders, unemployed people, alcoholics - or, in some instances, folk with combinations of the above. For me, this offered an opportunity to bring people together to do something positive and life enhancing (albeit, a bit chilly at times!). Even in snowy conditions (see photo, above) eight people turned out - which I was really pleased about.

An Adult Education tutor partnered up with one of the City Council Mousehold Heath Wardens to 'lead' our ramble through this winter wonderland. However, before I describe some of what transpired on this day, I want to focus on another individual. You see, I also invited a man (let's call him 'M'), currently living in short-stay supported housing, to come along and share with us his knowledge of living off the land. M had been bought up in care (I struggle not to put that c word in inverted commas!), and, at the age of sixteen, was relocated hundreds of miles out of his area, ending up in Yarmouth, where he was left to fend for himself. He went on to become a career criminal, eventually serving a sentence for murder. In his own words, he currently "drinks to be normal" and is an alcoholic.   He has been homeless. Lots of labels there then - lots to pathologise.


However, seen in another light, here is a man who has served his time and is now attempting to listen to the 'better angels' of his nature. He loves his dog, and, spent last summer walking the coast of southern England with him as a trusted companion. When I sat down with him and listened to his 'journey' I was struck by the history in his head, and, also, that he has expertise which should be shared.


Anyway, M came along with his dog (who also had an excellent time, by the way!), and told us loads of fascinating stuff about surviving in the outdoors. I was fascinated when he smelt the presence of a fox; reminding me that a lot of us tend not to be open to learning through our range of senses. Later, when I asked him how he felt about having been our teacher, he was really enthusiastic and energised.  I think that one of the reasons for this, is that the experience had given him status. That is to say, he had internalised the respect and approval which we had given him, a process which enhances ones sense of self. Whereas previously he had achieved this through violence and domination, he was able to connect in gentler ways, and feel the respect of his peers.


As we ate our picnic outdoors in the snow, we all discussed how amazing it had been to be witness to the beauty of the freshly fallen flakes. As well as the formal learning, we took time to stop and look at the world around us; to breathe in the cool fresh air. Although Mousehold Heath is surrounded by an urban area (of Norwich), we were in a green and white space, away from cars or bustle. We saw Robins and Blackbirds and animal tracks, and heard the calls of countless other creatures. I offered a supportive arm to one of the group who I had met on a couple of occasions, but who, for whatever reason, had never spoken to me. I said to him that if I fall he's going too, and vice versa and he laughed. Later, he confided a secret to me - a recognition of trust and connection that warmed me. As a group we walked for about an hour and a half in total.


I also spoke to D, who is a man in his 50s, currently unemployed, and quite isolated and lacking confidence. He told me that it was great to get out and be in the company of others; meeting new people and learning new things together.


At the end of our wintery ramble I asked for some feedback from the group, and then reflected back to them how everyone seemed to be more relaxed and fulfilled, and suggested to them that this was because we had done at least five good things together...


Connect
Take Notice
Be Active 
Keep learning
Give


In conclusion, here are some of the elements that, in my opinion, made this a success:

• The experience was facilitated in a relaxed manner
• Folk were invited to contribute, and given space to stop and take notice, without undue pressure
• We were in wonderful surroundings
• All of the Five Ways were in play here, and were 'revealed' retrospectively
• We had feedback mechanisms which allowed participants to let us know how they felt about our ramble
• We brought together a diverse range of people and engaged them in an active and positive experience where their contributions are encouraged and recognised

Although wellbeing is for all, I am committed to working alongside folk who, for whatever reason, may be struggling.  Recently, I was being interviewed at an awards ceremony and was asked what I do. I hadn't rehearsed a speech, and my spontaneous reply turned out to be a summary of my values and approach...

"I want to provide learning which is people-shaped. I also think that one of the most powerful things I can give is to have positive expectations of others when, perhaps, they don't - or can't - give this to themselves... yet."

Colin <*((((><(

Norwich Cathedral - a WellBeing resource...

I recently 'gave' WellBeing 'tours' of Norwich cathedral, which were offered to folk I work alongside. It was just before Christmas and I wanted to give folk something unique to me. Working as an historical educator and interpreter who has done a lot of work in the cathedral I wanted to share my particular perspective with others. Although my focus was historical - in particular, exploring the contributions of ordinary people to this grand building -, I also wanted to demonstrate what a fantastic wellbeing resource the cathedral - and similar buildings - are for the people of Norfolk.

I always think that the Five Ways are best illustrated retrospectively; that is, once they have been experienced. Accordingly, I was able to draw out the following elements to our experience within the cathedral:

Connect:

We came together to share some quality time and explore this building together

Take notice:

We were able to appreciate the beauty of this special place, and were also invited to slow down and look within.

Be active:

We spent nearly an hour rambling through the building. Gentle exercise I know, but nonetheless, genuine exercise

Keep learning:

We learnt from each other as we passed through the building. For instance, in this exchange, a young girl was able to point out a mason's mark that I had never noticed before

Give:

We gave our time to each other; shared insights, laughter... comfortable silence.

This is a building which - regardless of whether you have Christian faith; faith from a different tradition, or no faith - does things to you - if you will allow it to...

The spire and the ceilings encourage us to look up and experience a sense of awe and wonder. The more intimate spaces of the side chapels, and darker east end, prompt more reflection and, possibly, introspection. The candles invite us to be lost in the dance of their flame.

I would encourage you to explore this and other special places. These 'sanctuary spaces' are, potentially,  such a powerful wellbeing resource!

A Wellbeing Workplace...

I feel that we need to make our working environments, both, more brain and planet friendly. Why, for instance, do we insist on having static meetings? There is an old phrase that says, "it is solved by walking". Some of my best eureka moments have been when walking along in conversation with someone else. The sky is a brilliant roof - much better and more likely to inspire than some dismal strip-light!

The trouble is - to extend the walking metaphor - we tend to fear an untrod path. However, when we dare to do different, and experiment a bit, the results can be amazing. For instance, I recently completed an intensive teaching qualification, writing several thousand words in a day. I did it by working in twenty five minute bursts, punctuated by ten minute breaks. The 'breaks' when, ostensibly, I wasn't working often proved to be the time when I experienced those moments of synthesis and inspiration which a nose to the grindstone culture so efficiently stifles. The optimal performance of the human brain is sustained for less than half an hour at a time.

Why then all the dreadful long meetings? It reminds me of a thought from the wonderful Ken Robinson video I posted here recently.  I think that this fear of rest and relaxation stems from an attitude to people equivalent to the strip-mining of our planet - and, as with such reckless plundering, it is equally unsustainable. A well chaired meeting with regular breaks and changes in the mode of delivery - visual, aural, read/write, kinaesthetic - is bound to produce more of value in less time. And perhaps in those 'breaks' we might get to know each other - and ourselves - better. We might CONNECT and GIVE and KEEP LEARNING, TAKE NOTICE. If we walk and talk we might even BE ACTIVE. In other words, as the Foresight Report has established, if we build these five 'ways' into our daily lives our wellbeing is likely to improve.

I have been experimenting with this in my own working life, and have found that when colleagues and partners are amenable to playing with some of these ideas, we're achieving more and feeling better for it.

It ain't rocket science folks!

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People-Shaped Society...

Living a way of life that is unsustainable, and doesn't actively give value to happiness, contentment, creativity and fulfilment, requires the creation of a new 'common sense'. Wellbeing activists are involved in being part of a profound practical exercise of revaluation. We propose that, actually, it's important to recognise and celebrate the whole person. It's vital that we make our communities people-shaped and planet-friendly. As one of my favoured fantasy dinner guests once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" (Eleanor Roosevelt). 

Specifically then, Ken Robinson speaks here about this re-valuation in relation to education systems which, globally, de-value creativity - a process which not only runs counter to human happiness, but also diminishes the capacity of societies to create good business in a changing and competitive world. 

I'm with Ken - let's break free of these 'mind-forged manacles' and remember how amazing and creative we  (adults) once were, and follow the children's lead and work to re-discover this sense of wonder. In the way we choose to conduct ourselves in our daily lives, we can make such a positive difference. It isn't a dream - it can be done. I encourage you to take time to watch this...

PS This is also very funny!

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The Wellbeing Challenge

During some recent wellbeing training we were asked to think of something that represents a 'dream' for us. Working in pairs, we then challenged each other to actually make this dream reality. Now, my 'dream' might not seem that amazing or untouchable, but it's something I've put off doing now for many years. I think it's something to do with worrying about making a fool out of myself, and fearing that I will not being able to remember the moves. My dream was to learn Tai Chi. I was challenged by Pat, my partner in this challenge venture, to do something about it.

I'm happy to report that I joined a class last Saturday, and although I did feel a bit lost working alongside experienced practitioners, I enjoyed myself and learnt about 10 seconds of continuous Tai Chi - yes, a whole ten seconds!

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Thanks Andrew for being the catalyst, and Pat for telling me to get started. I'm sure that this will really help my wellbeing.

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Be Kind to Yourself

You're no good to anyone else if you're not good to yourself. I am speaking, both, to myself here, and to lots of the activists I meet; as well as to the many and varied folk I encounter through my work, who are often very adept at beating themselves up and running away from themselves. Perhaps I am speaking to you?

We need to develop the skill of treating ourselves with kindness. We need to GIVE to ourselves in order to give of ourselves - and it doesn't just happen. This self-nurturing element is definitely an aspect of the Five Ways to Wellbeing which I need to work on. I hope that, CONNECTing with the support of other people, I will learn how to GIVE this peace of mind to myself.

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A chain of curious accidents...

Isn't it interesting how one thing leads to another. Yesterday, struggling to suppress my asthma in a meeting, I coughed and tweaked a muscle in my lower back.  Today, I was hobbling into town, when I met a friend/co-worker in the community, and realised that I'd left my wallet home. She very kindly lent me a fiver (GIVE).

Later, due to discomfort of my back, I went to cafe in the Forum for a cuppa, which was made possible by the aforementioned lend. I was sitting making phonecalls with bits of paper and laptop strewn around me. A woman on the table next to me had overheard a conversation I had where I mentioned Wellbeing and we struck up a conversation (CONNECT and, as it happened, KEEP LEARNING). This led to her GIVING to me = Wellbeing enhanced, thank you very much!

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I blame the fever...

I'm currently laid up in bed with a bad bout of flu, so my physical wellbeing is none too good right now. As I lie here I have a good view of the sky and I've noticed that the clouds resemble pigs; so, either, pigs are flying or it's swine flew... Eeek, I'm sorry about that!

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Wellbeing at Work

I have just been reading some of the excellent New Economic Foundation website. I know that economics has been described as being the 'dismal science' - and with some justification, but don't let that put you off. Folk at the NEF are experimenting with finding policy solutions which are humane, practical and person-centred. Anyway, during my ramble through the site I noticed a link to a Wellbeing at Work survey which I think you might find interesting ->
NEF Wellbeing at Work Survey <*((((><(


PS: Don't forget to check out my 'Give...' and 'Get...' pages on the sidebar of this blog. Here I talk about some of experiments in practicing the Five Ways in daily situations. 

Norwich Wellbeing Network now live on Facebook

I have just set up the "Norwich Wellbeing Network" on Facebook. I would strongly urge you to join us there. It's a dynamic forum where we can exchange ideas through discussion boards, live chat and so on.

You'll find a link to Facebook on the side of this blog. Just click on the photo, and add me as a friend... <*((((><(

Forming good habits of mind...

I have been actively playing with the five ways to wellbeing for about two weeks now. As a practical guide to action, I can see lots of ways in which awareness of these has helped my sense of wellbeing. Each is like a finger on the hand playing a chord on a piano - a sense of harmony becomes apparent when they're all in play. 

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to change the world, to help to make it a better place. As with many people with a drive to fight for social justice, I would give 110% to these efforts, and, oftentimes, leave little time and energy for myself (in fact, one time I nearly died due to the exertions involved in doing this!). However, for me, the wellbeing ways are like finding a missing piece of the puzzle (of me!); they provide a virtuous spiral, linking personal empowerment and good mental health to the wider wellbeing of my community, and ultimately, of society. I am tending to myself and my head, whilst also giving as I go. How cool is that!

That's not to say that it's like a single wave of a magic wand. Of course I have, and will have, bad moments. No, the progress I'm feeling here is more in the nature of positive movement through small, manageable steps. It is also something that you have to work at. Research suggests that it takes 21 days to change a habit. That's not such a long time to form some good habits of mind now is it ;-)

Colin

PS Don't forget to check out my 'Give' and 'Get' pages - links on the front page sidebar, underneath my profile...

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GIVE - Being Kinder to Myself

One of the Five Ways to Wellbeing is GIVE. This is the notion that we can have a positive effect by changing how we behave to each other - being kinder, more generous, more understanding, more empathic.

I also think that this applies to how we think of ourselves. For instance, today I had a difficult day, where a project I had helped initiate had a very disappointing launch. Although I am prepared to take due responsibility for this, I have made a conscious decision to be kind and generous to myself - to cut myself some slack. I have had a think about what went wrong, and why, and now I'm ready to focus my energies on the only thing I can have some influence over - namely, the future, which is still there to be made.

Colin

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The sense of Wellbeing

We human beings are curious creatures. We are, I think, hugely insignificant in the context of the vastness of, say, the cosmos and the span of eternity; and yet we are still amazing and, on occasions, magnificent. Sometimes you meet a person who has a positive sense of their own power, and you revel in the glow of their energy and positive expectation. I think that everyone has huge reserves of untapped potential, only in 'advanced' Western societies we don't tend to nurture this. I would like to play a part in seeing people grow beyond any limiting 'mind forged manacles'; I'd like to see folk flourish!

I would like to find my own power, and, furthermore, during this journey - my life - I would like to help make the world a better place. That is one of the reasons why I am so inspired by the Five Ways to Wellbeing movement (because, trust me, things are moving). It appeals because it is practical, positive and preventative. The tools are in our hands to use, and straight away we can make a difference.

Colin

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